5 comments about Life of the Party: The Biography of Pamela Digby Churchill Hayward Harriman.

1. "Pam," as she was known by her friends, trading on her beauty, inquisitiveness and instincts, more than on her morals: again and again parlayed her feminine wiles into higher and higher orbits of class, wealth, international intrigue and a seat at the very table where high stakes policy was being shaped and made. Even one of her many lives would have been enough for an ordinary person to kill for, but being able to do it over and over again points to her very own special gift: being perfectly situated to marry older men of influence and then making them like it, as she "traded up " the ladder to better and better situations.
   
   Just her wartime activities alone, is worth the price of the book.
   
   Here, behind the scenes where the post-WWII world order was being shaped and fashioned, she played an important if unsung role as one of the king pin (or is it queen pin?) deal makers, that helped solidify the ties between the U.S. and UK, ties that eventually were responsible for bringing the U.S. into the war. She did this all the while being married to the notorious "bad boy" and son of Sir Winston Churchill, Randolph, and while "bedding down" one of her "husbands-to be," Averill Harriman. And she did this, all the while, if not with the full knowledge, certainly with the tacit knowledge of her father in law, the British Prime Minister.
   
   Just this part of the book alone is worth its price, but there is much more: all with the ring of truth, not with the ring of mere salacious gossip, which I admit, is all that I was really looking for. In the book "Nemesis," it had been reported as fact that Joseph P. Kennedy had raped Pam while she was an overnight guest of her friend the then Ambassador to the UK's daughter, Kathleen. I was unable to confirm this fact in this "unauthorized" version of her life. This omission, however, certainly does not mean that it did not happen, just that it could not be confirmed in this version of her life story. And even though I did not find what I was looking for, this is still easily five stars.



2. Reading this, more than decade after its publication when Pamela's primary skills were already passé, it was clear how much things have changed.
   
   Pamela came out of the 19th century British aristocracy where only the first born male was entitled to inherit the family's property and power and to call it what it is/was - human rights within a family. Pamela could not expect familial affection or support. Her family turned her over to nannies and decreed that education, no matter how great her ability or curiosity, would hinder her marriage options.
   
   Pamela made her own match (did not wait for family negotiations) and married what history made the ultimate commodity, a link through a male namesake, to Winston Churchill. She used this "child" and followed the cultural and psychological patterns of aristocratic women by supporting and living through her man with a modern twist--- he did not have to be her husband.
   
   WWII put a chink in the armor of the British class system and affirmed the American ideal of social equality. The super wealthy European men paid in cash and friendship for all she willingly gave. She wanted commitment, which due to European social codes, would not be forthcoming. No wonder Pamela was seduced (in the pure sense of the word) by America. In America she was able to achieve far beyond what her family or country c/would ever provide for her.
   
   She was Darwinistic about men/marriage. If a man's wife was not as fit as her, Pamela had no qualms about the wife, Pamela should have the "position". Her sympathy for her second husband's mother (over that of his children) who had abandoned her family may be testament to an understanding of her emotional situation.
   
   One can salute Pamela's achievements, but her treatment of others is too cold for sympathy. As presented here, her mothering of "The Child" and her stepchildren replicates that toward her in her own nuclear family. Her treatment of staff and other women is pure 1950's sexism and a workaholic's view of the world. She rose above the rigid role of her family and society had given her. Unfortunately, within her intimate family (birth and blended) she could not break the chain of creating emotional liabilities.



3. I had known one women who said: "Its better you ask for what you want,then to except what others offering to you."

   This can be related to biography of Pamela Harriman. SHe lived in extraordinary circumstances but what I find most compelling is the fact that she succeed to manage her life. Although, it was not always easy for her. She left and she was left. The biography is most interesting written and I read it very quickly.
   She maybe was in some way courtisan, but I think she wanted to enjoy in life nad she was led by it. SHe knew what she want and she was persistant. However, I did not manage to figure out was she open hearted as she was presented in some moments or little bit cold caculated as in the part regarding children of her husband Hayworth. But, for sure she was woman in complete sense of that word.




4. One can tell just from the photograph chosen for the cover of LIFE OF THE PARTY that author Christopher Ogden has constructed a fun read. Though his research is thorough and scholarly, LIFE OF THE PARTY flies by easily. (The title itself is a pun, alluding both to its literal meaning and to the fact that Harriman's generous donations gave new life to America's Democratic Party.)

   In crafting the biography of America's late Ambassador to France, Pamela Harriman, Ogden also provides a social history of the international "Jet Set" of the 1940's, 1950's and 1960's. Pamela's journey through the decades was complete with English aristocracy, French nobility, Italian racing car drivers, South American polo players, Arab sheiks, Greek shipping magnates and members of America's monied elite. The link among them is that Pamela Harriman slept with members of each of these groups!

   In her own, less liberated day, born to obscure English nobility c. 1920, there is no question but that then-Pamela Digby would have been considered a--ahem--loose woman (to use a mild phrase) by those who knew her. Not only did she sleep around, apparently with blatant calculation of how her liasons would benefit her financially and socially, but she also conspicuously went after married men. With the exception of her first husband, the single thread connecting the men she chose was that they were not merely rich, they were filthy rich. And her first husband was the son of Winston Churchill, Prime Minister of England at the time of their marriage. Thus, that match was socially advantageous to Pamela, and she would use the connection as her entry into highest levels of the world's interconnected rich. Nonetheless, despite her apparent rapacity, it is obvious that her men found her... appealing, to say the least.

   Some of the affairs that Ogden documents were with the fabulously wealthy Frenchman, Elie de Rothschild, with the fabulously wealthy oil sheik, Aly Khan, with the fabulously wealthy Italian auto manufacturer, Gianni Agnelli, with a fabulously wealthy American, Averell Harriman and another fabulously wealthy American, William Paley. Yet she married the merely wealthy theatrical producer, American Leland Hayward, whose daughter openly despises Pamela to this day. (It seems clear that Pamela settled on Leland due to an urgent need to wed quickly as a matter of financial salvation.)

   Of course, Pamela was a serial bride. Decades after she first began her affair with him, Averell Harriman finally tied the knot with Pamela. He had been middle-aged when they first had met, and she had been a very young woman. By the time she captured him, she was middle-aged and he was old. Conveniently, he died soon after their marriage and, even more conveniently, he left her his huge fortune.

   She immediately put that fortune to use in inserting herself as a valuable player in the United States Democratic Party and as an early and generous supporter of then-candidate Bill Clinton. After he became President, Clinton rewarded Pamela by making her his Ambassador to France.

   Truly, if this book were a romance novel, it would be dismissed out-of-hand as being too implausible. As it stands, it is an examination of an exploitative and greedy woman, yet a woman whose lifestory makes for entertaining reading. For the major events of the mid-20th century, when Pamela Digby Churchill Hayward Harriman was not present, she probably was waiting in the bedroom.




5. What an interesting woman. Okay so she may have slept her way to the top and made a few bad personal decisions. A saint she was not. For all that she was determined to enjoy life and make the best out of what talents she had. She used her friends as we all do to better her causes and even berated her children when she disagreed withj them. As if she was the first mother to do that. She gave her total devotion to the men she married, apart from Winston, and expected the same.The irony is that had Pamela harriman been a man all her negative aspects would have been overlooked and she would have been remembered more for her her political and social acumen rather than the men she had slept with. A very interesting read about one of the more interesting characters of the 20th century. It will be a while before her like is seen again. She will be missed.

5 comments about Race Across Alaska: First Woman to Win the Iditarod Tells Her Story.

1. Libby Riddles brings you on the Iditarod trail with her. You will feel her cold, her fatigue and the fur of her dogs whom she loves above all. This is the ultimate armchair adventure. It's incredible top believe that people actually put themselves through this. A bonus feature of this book is the informaive sidebars. I recommend it with five stars.



2. I loved this book, from beginning to end. It was engaging, exciting, informative and just a great read. Adventure stories are my favorite and I love animals so it was a great combination. Hooray for Ms. Riddles for her victory and a well written book.



3. I had the distinct pleasure of meeting Libby Riddles personally on a cruise with Princess Cruise Line. Her talk was so enlightening that I bought the book. This is a must read for every Iditarod fan or interested person. The grueling schedule and trails will hold your interest until the end of the book. You'll find out what Libby cared on her sled, how she prepared for each checkpoint and what all the mushers have to endure to come out on top of the pack. You'll easily learn to respect the mushers and the love/dedication they have for the Iditarod.



4. Libby Riddles is the first woman to win the Iditarod, which is the Alaskan dog-sled race that covers over 1,000 miles.

   As I'm not very familiar with Alaska, I had never heard of Libby Riddles, or the Iditarod for that matter. However, my boss, who is from Alaska, brought me an autographed copy of the book as a souvenir from one of her trips home. I immediately started reading the book and was quickly engrossed in Libby's adventure.

   The book is written in journal style. I felt as if I were right there on the trail with Libby throughout her grueling race to the finish. Interspersed throughout the pages are interesting Iditarod facts that help the reader to better understand the life of a musher as well as the ins and outs of the race.

   Libby, as well as all the mushers, show an amazing amount of courage and strength. From start to finish, many mushers don't get to shower and exist on an hour or so of sleep every 15-24 hours! Imagine that kind of schedule, coupled with the intense physical endurance they're also experiencing. It was simply mind boggling, but very admirable.

   I found this a fascinating read; my only complaint is that I wish it were longer! I wanted the story to continue a little bit after Libby crossed the finish line in Nome!




5. After meeting Libby personally in Juneau May 2001, I had to read the book! She takes you "with her and her precious dogs" on this adventure with details about the event and how she feels,copes and thrives throughout the 1984 Iditarod.

   The best part? She won as a team (with her dogs) and as a person of strength with the knowledge that she would also be a role model from both women and men.

   I found the book inspiring!

5 comments about Diane Arbus: A Biography.

1. Not only could I not put this book down, it made me miss Diane Arbus terribly once I had finished it and so sad that she must have despaired at the end. Not an easy feat for a book, so I would highly recommend it to anyone who is moved/intrigued/awed/interested by her photography.



2. I can't say I really liked this book. In the early stages of the biography I thoroughly enjoyed reading about Diane's childhood, but the author does too much fawning over Diane and repeatedly talks about how gifted she was. Yes, I think we all appreciate that fact, now let's move on and get to the core of who she was. ...Except I don't necessarily feel that this book ever truly did that. There were some interesting insights, but I constantly felt far too removed from the real Diane. Each piece of information I felt I could really sink my teeth into was buried between pages and pages of repetitive or useless (to me, anyway) information.
   
   Throughout the book I felt Bosworth also spent too much time detailing a large number of Diane's friends and acquaintances. Family, close friends and mentors are certainly key in any biography, but the deeper I got into the book, the more I found myself skimming over chunks of text, searching for what (if much of anything) these relationships MEANT to her life rather than tedious details about a person she only met a couple of times.
   
   I was also disappointed in the lack of reflection on Arbus's death at the end of the book. I had expected many more thoughts on that, or maybe even a bit of discussion on her legacy, and how her work is now received. Instead, the book ends with her death.
   
   In short: If you want to know more about Arbus, read the book, but be prepared to skim.



3. I found this book on my shelf. Someone may have recommended it to me but I forgot who. I thought, "Oh, another book about some unknown person who is probably a very boring person and this book will be boring, I'm sure." Several times during the hearing (on tape) of this book I thought, "Well, that's enough about this Diane Arbus person." But, the book is so well written and finally I descerned that the subject of the book, Diane Arbus, is so "worth reading" that I did finish the book. And, it was "worth the time". I mean, here's this "little unknown lady" making "immortal" all these "unknown" people who now are "known" and "will be known forever" thanks to her! I wish I had met Diane Arbus and had MY picture taken by her! After you read this perhaps order "Monograph" or "Magazine Photos" to see "what the fuss is all about". You won't be disappointed! Recommended! boland7214@aol



4. After watching the movie "Fur" which is a fictionalized biography, I wanted to know more about this artist. The book is fascinating, but sometimes dreary as the author relates the severe depression that pervades many of the artists who were associated with Diane Arbus, as well as Diane herself. Full of famous names and families of $$ in the NY and New England.



5. Diane Arbus as a photographer is linked to Walker Evans and Robert Frank. She believed a photograph is a secret about a secret. David Nemerov, her father, was a creative spirit, an enterprising retailer. He expanded the family-owned Russek fur business. He knew fashion was theater, ephemeral. Both Diane and her brother Howard were gifted. A friend felt that Diane and others grew up in an emotional desert of shame, not affirmation, as they received training to become accomplished in the various cultured disciplines. Diane came to believe her circumstances were irrational. She complained that throughout her upbringing of Ethical Culture schools and summer camps she had never felt adversity. Diane met and fell in love with Allan Arbus when she was fourteen. At Fieldston School in Elbert Lenrow's Great Books class, Diane wrote essays on Flaubert and Sophocles, preoccupied with ambiguity, with contradictions. Diane told her friends she was not going to apply to college, she was going to marry Allan Arbus. Her talent set her apart from others; it frightened her.
   
   During World War II Howard joined the Canadian Air Force and Allan the Army Signal Corps. When Allan was sent to photography school at Fort Monmouth, Diane moved to Red Bank. Daughter Doon was born in 1945. For a time Diane studied with Berenice Abbott. Allan and Diane worked closely together as a husband and wife fashion photography team. They were creative and perfectionists. In 1951 Allan, Diane, and Doon went to Europe. The sights were a revelation to Diane. All of her experiences were sensory. Another child, Amy, was born in 1954. Allan and Diane were successful, they were 'comers', but they hated the fast-paced trendy world of commercial photography. Howard Nemerov felt the couple was living an unreal but glittering life. NYC was a mecca for photographers. Diane's younger sister Renee was a sculptor. Her husband was a magazine writer. All of the Nemerovs had depressive illnesses, but Diane's were deeper and longer-lasting.
   
   It was felt fashion photography, the artifice and the monotony, contributed to Diane's depression, and so she stopped. Allan continued the business. Diane took a course at the New School with Lisette Model. Under Model she began documenting fearsome persons and places. She went to Coney Island. Diane drifted into downtown Bohemia. She developed a friendship with many artists including Mary Frank. Allan and Diane moved their studio to Washington Place. The couple became estranged. Diane and the two girls moved to Charles Street. Silence, cunning, and exile were emblematic of Diane's work according to Emile de Antonio, using a Joycean formulation. During the summer of 1959 Diane photographed circuses. At sideshows she felt shame and awe.
   
   Diane acquired a mentor, Marvin Israel, who believed she was an original talent who needed to be pushed. Her snap-shot style and subject matter were perfect for ESQUIRE. On assignment, photography for Diane became contemporary anthropology. When Marvin Israel went to HARPER'S BAZAAR, Diane had another outlet for her work. Walker Evans was impressed with Diane's work. Diane was awarded a Guggenheim to explore American rites and customs. When Howard published JOURNAL OF THE FICTIVE LIFE, Diane realized that she and Howard had the same family memories and the same lexicon.
   
   In the mid sixties Diane seemed to be at every spectacle, every parade in NYC. She taught at Parsons in 1965. Her students said she was a terrific teacher. Her photographs appeared in the 'New Documents' show at the Museum of Modern Art, 1967. Later her use of a square format with direct flash was copied widely. Friends tried to tell her not to take the neagative comments to heart, that all original work was irritating at first, (Gertrude Stein). Diane revered the photography of August Sander, Weegee, and Lewis Hine. In 1969 Allan and Diane were divorced. Their studio was closed. Allan moved to Hollywood. In 1970 Diane moved to Westbeth. She taught a photography class at Westbeth to raise money to purchase a Pentax camera. In the end Diane felt her work was being noticed for the wrong reasons. Friends ignored Diane's allusions to suicide.
   
   Patricia Bosworth has done a smashingly successful job of capturing the essence of the life and work of this photography pioneer. Readers of the book feel compelled to follow-up every name and every work mentioned.

3 comments about A Geisha's Journey: My Life As a Kyoto Apprentice.

1. This book was a pleasure--beautiful photos and nice comments from the subject that explain the occasion and feelings at the time. Highly recommended!



2. I have read and enjoyed both Lesley Downer's and Liza Dalby's books on geisha, and this gorgeous photo book serves as a lovely accompaniment to both. The text is somewhat sparse (as is to be expected in a photo book) but Komomo's voice really shines through. The foreword by Koito, her geisha "older sister" is also a treat. We get a glimpse of the unique customs of the Miyagawa-cho geisha district. The photos are intimate at times, but never intrusive - the photographer approaches his subjects with respect and affection. Komomo is truly charming and it is not difficult to see why she was one of the most popular maiko in Miyagawa-cho!
   
   I could wish that this book were a little longer, but it is completely worth its purchase price.



3. I was honored to receive an advance copy of this book and I LOVE IT! "A Geisha's Journey" ranks right up there with "Geisha of Gion" (Mineko Iwasaki) and "Geisha" (Lesley Downer)*. The pictures are a fabulous peek inside a geiko's life and I heartily thank Momo-chan and Naoyuki-san for putting this book together for us! The other books I mentioned are great, but Lesley-san's book is mainly about the history of geisha and Mineko-san's book covers a geiko's life in the 70s. It's lovely to get to know a "21st Century Geisha" (as it says on the front cover).
   
   I recommend this book mostly to seasoned "geisha geeks" like myself. If you're just starting out, read "Geisha" first, followed by "Geisha of Gion"...THEN add "A Geisha's Journey" to your collection.
   
   --------------
   
   * For those who have already read this book, one of the geiko that Lesley-san interviews/mentions, Koito, is Komomo's okasan!

5 comments about Home Before Morning: The Story of an Army Nurse in Vietnam.

1. Had to read it for History class. Decent book if you are a nurse or had any experience with post traumatic stress, divorce, or Vietnam. Very interesting book, check it out



2. This is such a beautiful story; and one that needs to be told more often. It will give so much understanding to the generation born to those who came "of age" in the 1960's of what the VietNam war was all about. And, not many people knew anything about the role of the Army Nurse until now. This book is a must read!



3. I had read this book years ago and lost it after many moves. I wanted to read it again, with everything happening in Iran.
   This book helps one to really understand what our soldiers and medical staff go through during a war and for the rest of their lives. I recommend it as a must read book.



4. Based on my personal observations, Lynda was the laughing stock of the 71st Evac Hospital. And, she was also almost universally disliked. You had to tolerate her. But, you didn't have to like her. I heard alot from her other "friends" there in 1971. And, I was unfortunate enough to have to spend an afternoon, sitting in a jeep in downtown Pleiku, while she and a friend were wined and dined, so I observed her interactions firsthand. She was laughed at constantly because she was always trying to get out of doing something. But, that was Vietnam's fault. Not hers.
   
   The book is not even good fiction. About 95% of the happenings she claimed never occurred. If they occurred they occurred to someone else, someplace else. The majority of the book is nothing but flights of fancy from a woman that wouldn't know the truth if it bit her. Every problem she ever had, since 1969, was blamed on Vietnam, the people she worked with, the war, the weather, whatever. Not one time in her book did she ever take responsibility for her actions and the repercussions she got from bad decisions.
   
   My review of this book is not as fluent as others. But, my statements are based on personal experience with the subject matter of her and this book firsthand. I was there, I know.



5. I read this book for the first time many years ago now and it touched a cord in me simply at the time I was going thru something similar myself being discharged from the military and finding that you really have no place in the world. I never experienced anything like she did and how she overcame all her obstacles only attests to the strength of the person she became because of it. I believe she has passed on now due to exposure of agent organge while serving our country. I always try to make people see just what sacrifices that our fighting men and women go thru to keep us free that we never even hear about except very rarely in such books as this one. "They" don't want this kind of information coming out to let us know just what has really gone on. This continues to be one of my favorite books and I generally wind up reading it a few times a year. It's one book that will never be let go. It is well worth reading and I guarantee you it will make you think and be appreciative of the little things that we all take for granted.

5 comments about Nothing to Declare: Memoirs of a Woman Traveling Alone.

1. I had just read Eat Pray Love and wanted to read more of the same. I was excited to find Nothing to Declare, but found it quite disappointing. She complains a lot about Mexico, how she hates to be alone, her new boyfriend (who takes care of her and makes her feel like the man in the relationship), and so on. If there was any self discovery in this story I missed it. Skippable. Read Eat Pray Love instead.



2. I finished reading this book only because I'm on vacation and short of other books. Also, I couldn't believe that there wouldn't be more to it at some point. Ms. Morris does write fairly well. There are some errors in the text and she clearly is not a craftwoman - she doesn't do the research at various points to name animals (for instance the 'large rodent' in the Guatemalan jungle). The critiques of other reviewers are very correct - she is self-absorbed, but not in an interesting way. The entire book is of her taking from others what she can, with very little giving back, except to her generous neighbor, Lupe, and even in that relationship it doesn't feel as if she's really able to be humanly touched. Her travel descriptions are pathetically shallow and useless for those of us who are curious and want to know the flavor of places. The texture and description which bring the essence of a place to a reader are mostly absent. The whole book reads as a cryptic list of 'places I've been with the crummy places I stayed while there and how I didn't like it' saga. I would have given the book one star, except Ms. Morris does have some writing ability. I'm very surprised this book is still in print. Ms. Morris has now had a number of other books printed and I for one can't imagine ever picking one of them up after having read this one. If those books are better than this one, Ms. Morris, do yourself a favor and take this one out of circulation.



3. Although Morris would (and does) believe that she is a natural and effortless traveller, this text attests otherwise. Morris spends the majority of the work lamenting the inefficencies of Mexico and reminding us how bold she is for taking the journey. The other portion consists of her waxing lyrical about her indifference to love or how generous she is as the privileged and revered American. She continously struck me as bitter and egocentrical.
   
   Similarly, I think she adheres to the stereotypes she seemingly casts away. I particularly loved when she decided that she felt more like a 'man than a woman' in her relationship with the pampering/cleaning Mexican man. I also shuddered when she declared that her aforementioned Mexican love was like an 'Indian' when drunk.
   
   As others have suggest, the cast that populates the background are more interesting than Morris herself. Beautiful writing and landscape, but intensely annoying subject.



4. A better title of this book might be "Nothing Interesting to Write About". This book was a total disappointment. All the people the author meets and writes about are oafish, selfish and/or unlikeable, including the man she takes as a lover, as well as being thoroughly boring. The one exception is her neighbor Lupe, however her sad and hopeless situation is common refrain in any poor area of any country. Too many children, not enough money. I will say that her descriptions of travel, food and medical care in Mexico have convinced me it is not someplace I ever care to travel to.



5. I was not so impressed with this novel and felt that the author was too caught up in her own drama to take the reader on an interesting voyage with her. It was a decent read, but I can't say that I would highly recommend it. To read a great book about a woman traveling, check out Rita Goldman Gelman.

5 comments about Lying: A Metaphorical Memoir.

1. Prior to this book, I'd read Prozac Diary and Welcome to my Country, both of which were quite good. This book, although an interesting concept, does not live up to Slater's better works. Satire-like, memoir-like, fiction-like.... But it fits none of these, is fairly incoherent, and does not really thread the story together adequately. If you want some fictional-type, possibly-true, almost-factual words, try this book. It is a fairly quick read and mildly entertaining. Personally, I'd save my time for Welcome to my Country. Reminds me of Blank: The Power of Not Actually Thinking at All (A Mindless Parody)



2. Hmmm? What to say? What to think about this book?
   
   Obviously Lauren Slater is very clever, I enjoyed her story. But mostly when I read this book I felt fortunate to have endured only the so called normal or typical teenaged angst growing up.
   
   She offers us a history of her life that may or may not be a complete fictionalization. It's an interesting angle from which to write a memoir.
   
   I have to say that I read Love Works Like This by Lauren Slater and I really enjoyed it. Lying was clever but I didn't love it.



3. Slater insists that her book be characterized as a non-fiction memoir, despite that fact that she freely admits that her account of her epilepsy is factual, symbolic, real, and fantastical all at once. Slater herself isn't always sure which of her memories are true and which are vivid but invented. If the reader can let themselves free in this alternate reality, Slater's memoir makes for fascinating, touching, and chilling reading. She truly brings the reader inside her own confusions about how much of her disease is real and how much fabricated. The short length of the book allows Slater's literary trickery to work well.
   
   As an adult, Slater confesses to her adolescent neurologist that she frequently exaggerated her seizures and symptoms right before her corpus callostomy surgery. He dismisses her guilt, saying it was well-known that she was an exaggerator. "Okay, you lied. But really, Lauren, I don't want you to feel guilty. In a sense you lied, but in another sense you didn't, because trickery is so hinged on your personality style, and, therefore, you were only being true to yourself."
   
   Also as an adult, Slater finds salvation in AA, despite the fact that she's hardly a drinker. She enjoys the comraderie and the structure of the 12 steps. The climax of Slater's coming to terms with her disease is a stunning confessional at an AA meeting, spoken entirely metaphorically, which has a huge impact on her group and the reader.



4. Lauren Slater's tribute to postmodernism in her "metaphorical memoir" is an interesting exploration of the role of fact in what is true. Where we may tend to regard the objective facts of a situation to be the truth of it, Ms. Slater takes a much more subjective view. She asserts her point, explicitly and in a masterful way woven seemlessly throughout the text, that there may be a more truthful way to relate a situation, a character, an anecdote, than to simply relate the facts.
   
   So she leads us to wonder even about the most central elements of the story. Does she really have epilepsy? Has she ever really had a seizure? Does the doctor she cites throughout her story really exist, or is he a metaphor also?
   
   While fascinating questions I found their deliberate effect a bit too successful: I couldn't trust the narrator. Unfortunately for me, that meant also that I was ultimately unable to feel close to the narrator and really understand her motivations -- perhaps, in my eyes at least, the most important role of a memoir.
   
   It's a bit of a quandry that I'm left in. She's succeeded fully in doing what she set out to do. She's presented herself as something of a chronic lier; a trickster at the very least. But since I know this about her so soon, and I'm so frequently reminded, I have difficultly staving off the need to push her away. So as a memoir, instead of a piece of literary theory, I found Slater's book a bit distant.



5. Lauren Slater, Lying (Random House, 2000)
   
   I picked up Lauren Slater's first book, Welcome to My Country, on a whim in 1997, and instantly fell in love with Slater's impeccable prose. That she related case studies without descending into the smarmy self-help realm of, say, Oliver Sacks helped immensely. Welcome to My Country was on my best-I-read list that year.
   
   Fast forward to 2005, and I start wondering what Slater's been up to since releasing it. I check her out at Amazon, and am thrilled to find she's released two books since. Lying is the first of them I picked up, and it's great to see she's still at the top of her game.
   
   Billed as "a metaphorical memoir," we are given an autobiography of Lauren Slater, an epileptic who's had a rather extreme surgical procedure performed to counter her epilepsy. It controls the physical aspects-- the seizures-- but hasn't controlled any of the mental. This, of course, is the stuff popular memoirs are made of; the dysfunctional childhood sells.
   
   What Slater brings to the table that sets her apart from the others is that, while there is always the understanding that the memoir is colored by the perceptions of its author, Slater recognizes this as much as any reader, and has decided to play with it-- to the point where the reader (and the person who wrote the cover copy, as well) realize that by the time we reach the first of Slater's revelations that she's written a fantasy as an actual event, we can no longer even be sure she has epilepsy. This opens up whole worlds of discussion in the larger genre of memoir, and that in itself makes Lying a singularly important work in its field; if taken as a greater meditation on memoir, the reader should come away with this book with a new way of looking at the form.
   
   All that aside, though, the best reason to read Lauren Slater's books is simply that she's a fine, fine writer. Lying also has a very, very good chance of landing on this year's best-I-read list, despite the quality of my reading having skyrocketed in recent years. **** ½

5 comments about Don't Leave Me This Way: Or When I Get Back on My Feet You'll Be Sorry.

1. Julia Garrison Fox writes her experiences after suffering a stroke at the age of 37. This is a must read for all healthcare professionals especially those who work in the rehabilitation field. She pulls no punches and write candidly about what it feels like both physically and emotionally to go through a life altering incident. This is a wake-up call for all in the healthcare field, we are real good at treating the body but we sometimes forget the human spirit we are also caring for.



2. I really loved this book, and would recommend it to anyone and everyone. Although I've never suffered any of the physical impairments that the author has, her story is very easy to relate to. Not to mention that it serves as a reminder to all of us to never give up, and to never take anything for granted.
   
   Ms. Garrison's persistance is to be admired, as is her sense of humor through ordeals that have broken the spirits of many. Kudos to you, Julia, and may you never lose your courage, love of life, and wonderful spirit!



3. I am a rehab nurse and I just couldn't put this book down.
   
   Yes, all of the portraits are not flattering of folks in the healthcare profession. We must view patients as people, with all their likes, dislikes and quirks.
   
   I found it to be a very funny, uplifting first person account.



4. I read the first two paragraphs, stopped, and read them again. I then got up from my comfy chair, found my husband and daughter and read the first two paragraphs aloud to them. We were all blown away. The rest of Julia Garrison's story is just as breathtaking. I couldn't put it down. I cried hard twice and laughed out loud too many times to count. When I finished, I just sat for a long while with the book in my hands, looking at the cover, wishing for more. I'm the same age the author was when, without warning, she had a massive stroke, and her life changed forever. So I keep imagining myself in her shoes, wondering if I possess the courage, determination, and positive attitude Julia has, wondering if I would survive...and then thrive. I don't know, but I know this: Her story inhabits me now. And I carry her messages of positive attitude, dignity, and hope with me. This book should be read by everyone who has ever been a patient, everyone who has ever faced overwhelming obstacles, every doctor, and definitely every medical student. Have I left anyone out?



5. This is yet another insight into the hellish situation that exists when healthy people become incapacitated and end up in rehab or nursing home situations. (For comparison, read Joni Eareckson's autobiography and Stephen Thompson's Genesis: A Portrait of Spinal Cord Injury. Each one of these author's stories begin in different decades, but all, including Julia Garrison, describe first-hand similar experiences of dealing with a health-care system that is both abusive and neglectful).
   
   If Julia's family hadn't been there for her, including a devoted husband, mother and eight brothers, she would have quickly withered and died in a nursing home. A simple request for tampons was denied, and she was offered adult diapers as a substitute, because the home didn't stock tampons or even pads. It was far easier for the nursing home staff to have a compliant patient in diapers, rather than an ornery, loud and gutsy 37-year-old woman who refused to roll over and accept the cards that fate had laid out for her.
   
   The medical profession will move heaven and earth to save the life of an accident or stroke victim, but then doesn't seem to know what to do with the patients whose lives they have just saved. Julia Fox Garrison, with an insane will to survive, and surrounded by the love of her family, took charge of her own recovery and made her own plans for the rest of her life, the one she would have to live after she was discharged from the hospital and sent home.
   
   
   Garrison's book is must reading for anyone whose life has been altered by a single event. Life does somehow go on, and the book is blessedly free of the heavy-handed preaching that often accompanies the retelling of tragic true-life stories.

5 comments about After Silence: Rape & My Journey Back.

1. A friend loaned this book to me but it is likely a book I will never forget. Nancy Venable Raine tells her important story in a very accessible way. As a nurse who took care of rape victims in the middle 80's and now a school nurse, I am aware that the secret of abuse and assault reverberates in too many lives. And while I would never say that my experiences as a young nurse were equivalent to those of my patients, I vividly remember hearing my victim-patients stories and identifying with them. Many of my victim-patients were not that different from me--young, single, living alone. During that time, I _usually_ slept with the lights on because I wanted to try to be able to identify my perpetrator, if that ever happened to me.
   
   Raine shows us her story, how it echoes in her life. Coming back from and integrating the experience in life is not, cannot be easy but one cannot help but feel she is one of the minority of individuals who gets the needed help to do so.
   
   Now, in year 2007, I was acutely aware that at times Raine paired the rape experience and the torture experience. It is a source of sadness to me that we, as a nation, are perpetuating that experience for so many. There is something profound about her description of the rape victim as a container for her perpetrator's anger. And that is far from the only profound idea.
   
   Having also read "Lucky" by Alice Sebold, I would say they are both very important books but this book is a far better glimpse into the recovery aspect.



2. I had to read this book for one of my Woman's Studies classes at Western Illinois University. I think this is a must read book for everyone (especially those who are in recovery or have been convicted of a violent crime of this nature). It is a bit graphic and I don't recomend that anyone under high school age read it. I had to set it down a couple of times due to that, but, it was nessessary to truely understand Ms. Raine's story. You don't truely understand what someone goes though after rape without going through it yourself.



3. "Throw away the lights, the definitions
   And say of what you see in the dark" - Wallace Stevens
   
   "Speech is civilization itself. The word . . . preserves contact - it is silence which isolates." - Thomas Mann
   
   Following her rape, this author became a completely different person, a person who lived "with sudden fear the way others live with cancer. The fear was always there." It took seven years before she could begin writing about her experience. She states that the anniversary of her rape "was more significant than my own birthday, and yet there was only silence . . . I had become, the one who marked her anniversaries in silence . . . Could I celebrate my survival in silence and alone? Not according to Webster's, which defines the verb "to celebrate" this way: "to perform (a sacrament or solemn ceremony) publicly and with appropriate rites" . . . It pained my family and friends to remember. To acknowledge my experience might bring up what they hoped I had forgotten . . . for me to remind them that I had not forgotten seemed unkind, even cruel, because I knew they needed to believe I had. Our rite was, therefore, silence."
   
   "I thought about Wittgenstein's observation that the limits of language are the limits of reality. Was rape off limits to our most distinctly human attribute - language? . . . I could no longer consent to silence."
   
   Another friend and rape victim asked her, "How do I tell people who don't know, people who might become close friends? If I don't tell them, it makes it a secret, like something to be ashamed of. When I do tell them, they make it worse. They never ask me about it. It'a a part of me, part of who I am now, but they don't want to know about it. It's no-win. Just no-win."
   
   "But silence has the rusty taste of shame. The words 'shut up' are the most terrible words I know. I cannot hear them without feeling cold to the bone. The man who raped me spat those words out over and over during the hours of my attack - when I screamed when I tried to talk him out of what he was doing, when I protested . . . The real shame, as I have learned, is to consent to them."
   
   So she wrote an essay "Returns of the Day" in The New York Times Magazine in 1994. In response "Without exception, all of the letters from survivors described the isolation of the aftermath of rape, its life-altering transfromations."
   
   "The victims of rape must carry their memories with them for the rest of their lives. They must not also carry the burden of silence and shame."
   
   If you have friend or family member dealing with these issues (and the odds are that you do), here are other books that are also excellent on this and related topics, "Lucky" & "The Lovely Bones" by Alice Sebold, & "Siolence" edited by Susan McMaster - all written by women. Rape victims and victims of relationship violence and abuse often hide their experiences and the behaviors of their abusers, feeling ashamed for even being involved with the abusive patterns. All of these books suggest women become more free and mentally at ease when they realize there is nothing to be ashamed of about being victimized. And they suggest the causes of our silences and the things we hide probably deserve more attention, new perspectives, and reconsideration.



4. It was shipped to me within 2 days, great service and great product.



5. Ms. Raine describes the trauma and recovery of rape in clear and helpful terms and I appreciate the references to other works about rape recovery and feminism. Raine's AFTER SILENCE inspired me to read another landmark TRAUMA AND RECOVERY by Judith Herman, MD. It is hard to find books about rape recovery and people who can and will talk calmly, rationally, compassionately (or at all) about this subject. Raine's AFTER SILENCE should be required reading in high school for both boys and girls! Rape is so widespread that it should be addressed more often by family and friends; local, state, national, and world leaders; educators and news media. Raine also references I NEVER CALLED IT RAPE by Robin Morgan, another excellent source for raising awareness of the frequency and extent of rape in society. My own childhood incest and young adult rape were not known to my parents, siblings and doctors for decades even though the symptoms were so obvious that I was hospitalized for months. Can't praise Raine's work enough. My heartfelt gratitude goes out to Raine and all those who made her work possible. Healing may be slow in coming, but it does come, after the silence, with the help of authors like Raine.

5 comments about God Is a Woman: Dating Disasters.

1. The dating game, a game that (almost) everyone plays at one time or another, is filled with its own dangers and pitfalls, all for the same reward. "God is a Woman" is a humorous dive into this world, offering insights and wisdom in response to the countless rhetorical questions that everyone asks. Filled with hilarious anecdotes, "God is a Woman" is a great gift for anyone hacking through the jungle that is being a bachelor or bachelorette. Highly recommended for community library humor collections.



2. This book is one of the best I've read on dating; I usually feel like I have to choose between advice that doesn't feel useful (from women) or advice that feels a little too manipulative and artificial (from PUAs). This book is the only one I've read so far that seems to strike the middle ground, giving good advice which I don't feel ashamed for having read. So, thanks, Ian.



3. I only heard of this book because I listened to the author's review of The Mystery Method: How to Get Beautiful Women Into Bed. I found his insights to be very good so I got his book. Of all these books Amazon pushes this one is by far the best. It is funny like being at a comedy show. It is full of great advice. No manipulatoin or deceit or bs. It will teach you not how to be a pua or playa but instead a bad boy, which is what women want most, or any type of guy you need to be as the circumstances warrant. (From his MM review: "Pua's use a woman's insecurities to make her feel bad about herself("negging"); bad boy's use a woman's insecurities to make her feel good about herself." He's not a jerk and yet still does really well. Funny, funny, funny!



4. I have read a few of these type of books and to tell you the truth this one is rank as the top for me.
   To be exact I read 5 till now.
   If you want some advice on dating women, then you should read this book.
   If you want to know why some dates go good and some dates go bad, then you need to read this book.
   With dates I mean only 1st dates. Because most of the time if your 1st date goes bad, then u have less chance on getting a second date.
   As you read the book you will notice that women do some strange things.
   As you read the book you will notice that you were in a similar situation or so.
   I did not learn a lot of new things in this book, but I was familiar with a lot of the situations from my own past experience.
   I learn how to be mysterious. And u should be more pushy sometimes.
   And the book is funny and entertaining.
   Owh when u read this book, u should use a pen to underline important stuff.



5. Unlike most of us - who take years of working at a sucky, thankless career to figure this out - Ian Coburn realized at 18 that life should be fun and full of crazy, wild adventures. He spent 10 years gathering them as a touring comedian and they are outrageous, laugh out loud funny. But he didn't stop there. He gave us advice about how we could have the same experiences mostly by just shaking off society rules that really have no merit when you get right down to it and think about them. Sometimes he tells me more about the industry of comedy than I care to know but the stories including celebrities like sexy Nikki Cox, Drew Carey (not sexy) and Damon Wayans more than make up for it. I predict Ian will be as popular as Tucker Max once more people discover him and his sites on the Internet. Tucker's book I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell is a must read, too. Note that both writers are from Chicago, the best city in the world! I'm sure that's by no coincidence.