5 comments about Elegy for Iris.

1. John Bayley CBE and Dame Iris Murdoch were married for almost 50 years. Their relationship was truly unique, special, and hard to replicate. They trusted each other, nurtured each other in literary criticism and writing, Their union was brought together during their time at Oxford where they lived for the remainder of their years together. JOhn writes lovingly about Iris even during her illness of Alzheimers which deteriorates the brain matter. Iris relied on her mind to write, analyze, and plan elaborate novels which were multi-storied and engaged the readers to think themselves. She was also a philosopher, college professor, etc. It's hard to imagine that Iris was no grand beauty but she had both inner and outer beauties. Sadly, her disease would rob them of so much more. Iris became more childlike and unable to care for herself while John became the primary caretaker. John who was in the shadow was now in the forefront without much help. It's hard watching the film without shedding a tear or reading this book without feeling something for somebody we never personally knew but by reading this book, we do learn about this amazing couple. We learn about their triumphs and failures. How they were just happy to be together and go swimming, if only happiness was that easy to find nowadays. John was a wonderful husband. I admire his truth, candidness, and revelations that their marriage was not always about sex and that Iris didn't care for it in general. They didn't have any children and neither seemed to mind that outcome of their marriage.



2. This book is the story of a marriage, a life together of two enormously intelligent writers, John Bayley and Iris Murdoch. Bayley tells the story of their forty - two years of marriage at the same time he describes more closely the four last years in which Iris Murdoch suffered from Alzheimer's. He writes with humor and quiet understanding, and his obvious admiration and love for his wife speak throughout the work.
   The cruelty of Alzheimer's is somehow underlined when the one who suffers is a person of extraordinary mind , a devotee of the life of the mind . Bayley honestly and painfully portays the strange kind of blankness and absence which the Alzheimer sufferer often displays. He does this against a background of the story of two lives, each of one has been lived in part in the great solitude of outstanding creator endeavor. But he also very good relating their shared experiences.
   Bayley is also tactful and restrained about a certain assymetry in their relation, relating probably much more to the early years when Iris was involved with others. One nonetheless feels Bayley's restrained anger in his description of the ' master figure ' who for a time seemed to be a center of Murdoch's intellectual life.
   What however impresses and makes this work remarkable is the steady gaze of love and intelligence with which Bayley sees , envelopes and protects Murdoch . This book is a work of love and pain, and of great beauty. It also provides much valuable insight into that terrible condition when the person is physically present but mentally lost.



3. I've spent the last 3-4 years writing a memoir (Baby Catcher). Therefore, I'm immersing myself in creative NF and memoir, and this is one of the best. Only a consummate writer such as John Bailey could have pulled this off. I've heard others complain about his rambling style, meandering between distant past, near past, and present (and I haven't seen the movie yet), but I found the transitions seamless and the flow of time as effortless as thought itself. Bailey shows all phases of the caretaking of someone with late-stage Alzheimers, regret, humor, irritation, rage, impatience, love, silliness... Would that each of us be accompanied on our trip to life's end - however it may present itself - by someone similarly compassionate. And articulate. May John Bailey himself be equally eulogized.



4. A mysterious lady. A dashing young suitor. A love that overcomes all obstacles. Sound like Disney's latest flick? Not so. It's John Bayley's narrative Elegy for Iris, a stunning memoir for his wife Iris Murdoch. In this real life fairy-tale story with a not so fairy-tale ending, Bayley recalls his life with Iris before Alzheimer's robbed her personality of it's usual depth, as well as the change the disease wrought in her, and in his life with her.

   Elegy for Iris is the wonderfully detailed, lovingly written story of Iris Murdoch's and John Bayley's life together, told from Bayley's point of view. It tells of their meeting, the growth of their relationship, their unusual marriage, and the change in their lives after Iris became afflicted with Alzheimer's. From Bayley's "lady on a bicycle" to swimming in seemingly every main river in France and England; from Iris' diary entry "St. Antony's Dance. Fell down the steps, and seem to have fallen in love with J. We didn't dance much." to their unusual marriage of solitude; Bayley has written his story to enchant and amaze.

   Bayley's attention to detail, even seemingly those that are minor or irrelevant, can be seen throughout the book. His descriptions, for instance, of his various outings with Iris make the memoir much more realistic. "Our first swim was in a river of the Pas-de-Calais, a deep, placid tributary of the Somme...The next was much farther south, in a steep and wild-wooded valley, with pine and chestnut growing up the mountains. The water was warm, and the stream so secluded that we slipped in with nothing on", is only a part of Bayley's extensive descriptions of their honeymoon. Water plays a large part in their lives; whenever Bayley and Iris go somewhere new, they find someplace to swim there. Water seems to be a symbol of change, of their changing lives throughout their years together.

   Bayley's attention to detail can also be a detriment to the reader, however, as it makes the story-line difficult to follow at times. When he begins to tell one particular tale, he often will break into many tangents, that can entangle the reader and detract from the focus on the main narrative. "Our host, who had been getting lunch, was quite a time getting to the door. He was a brilliant green eyed doctor named Maurice Charlton...Maurice Charlton probably worked harder than either of us, or than both of us put together, I should say....Maurice Charlton died young, of cancer, I believe, more than twenty years ago." This can be somewhat confusing, and occurs throughout the book.

   The description that Bayley gives their marriage is a striking one, and is a continuous theme throughout Elegy for Iris. He describes "one of the truest pleasures of marriage [as] solitude", using the words of Australian poet AD Hope that marriage is designed to `move [the partners] closer and closer apart.' This unusual description runs contrast to most peoples' beliefs on marriage, yet serves as a perfect description for Bayley's own marriage. "Such ignorance, such solitude! They suddenly seemed the best part of love and marriage. We were together because we were comforted and reassured by the solitariness we saw and were aware of in the other." This attitude seems predominant throughout the narrative, even after Iris is afflicted with Alzheimer's. The only difference, in Bayley's eyes, is that "the closeness of apartness has necessarily become the closeness of closeness." Bayley's view on marriage is a refreshing change from the normal stereotypes.

   This book is thoroughly enjoyable and heartwarming, yet at the same time poignantly sad. To watch as Bayley slowly loses the woman who was his wife to a woman who recalls almost nothing of their life together, yet continues to cling to Bayley as if he were her last hope, is slightly depressing. Yet, as his memories show, Bayley and Iris lived a rich, full life together- it is heartwarming to watch them fall in love, marry, and grow together in their relationship. Bayley runs the full gamut of emotions in this personal narrative-and what's more, he makes the reader do the same.




5. I read Iris Murdoch's The Sea, The Sea, (which won the 1978 Booker Prize) on Dec 4, 1983, and her Under the Net (which was no. 95 on the Modern Library panel's list of the 100 greatest novels written in English in the 20th century) and was under-enthralled with both. So I wa not expecting much when I undertook to read her husband's memoir of his life with her (written during the last days of her life, she having died Feb. 8, 1999), especially since I could not believe it would be great to read about someone having Alzheimer's and of caring for such a person. I was very pleasantly surprised. Bayley's memoir is great reading, full of interesting information as well as a thoughtful and truthful-sounding account of their life as husband and wife. Illustrative of the former, on page 118 we learn that Aldous Huxley believed that Piero della Francesca's Resurrection was "the greatest painting in the world" (and it is great to go to the computer and see the painting!) and on page 164 et seq. we have a very uncomplimentary account of the 1981 Nobel-prize-winner Elias Canetti (his name is never mentioned, but there can be no doubt of his identity since the computer will tell those of us who did not know that Canetti is the author of Die Blendung). We have mention of Montague Rhodes James (and can go to the computer to read his some of his ghost stories, including "The Treasure of Abbot Thomas", the story referred to by name in this memoir). Since Bayley is an eminent literary critic (as the jacket describes him) the book abounds with interesting tidbits such as this, and almost persuades me I should read another Murdoch book! I found this book a great reading experience.

5 comments about Grace Will Lead Me Home.

1. Robin's book was more than I expected. It was very detailed and it held my interest throughout the whole book. You felt as if you could actually feel her pain, disappointment, anger, frustration and joy. I thoroughly enjoyed it and would not hesitate to purchase another book of hers.



2. This book was okay. It started out very slowly, and took me awhile to get into it. I felt as though this book was very long, but it was a very good portrayal of how she fell for Tyson and all that entailed. I also liked the fact that she talked about her own projects, and what she was trying to accomplish in her life although it was so chaotic.



3. I'm not a fan of Ms. Givens and I don't know why I picked this book from the library shelf other than because I had heard about it and it was there. Ms. Givens covers a great deal of background in this book - from her grandmother, Grace, to her mother, Ruth - and then she weighs us down with the sordid details of her tumultuous life with Iron Mike Tyson. As much as I wanted to feel for Ms. Givens, the book did not make me sympathetic, nor did it really provide me with enough of Ms. Givens' story. She spent a great part of the book on her parentage and the drama with Mike, but never really detailed her life "after Mike." Sure, she gives us a brief paragraph or two about Brad Pitt, but what about her other relationships after Mike - how did her marriage and divorce affect how she dealt with her new relationships - and wasn't she married for a hot minute?
   
   She could have talked more about her career, more about her children - but I guess that wasn't the reason behind writing this book. I imagine this was cathartic for her and if that helps her put the past behind her, so be it. I don't know if I really expected this to be a tell-all as much as I hoped it would give more insight into her life and give me a reason to like her public persona. As a reader, I just didn't "feel" it. Worth a read and purchase, particularly if you're a fan; otherwise, get it from the library.



4. interesting, i got the feeling that all was not said in this book about what really went on but somethings are left unsaid, but what i truly believe is that this was a lesson robin givens learned and as a mom of 6 boys i believe this will make her a strong black mother for her kids you go girl and i am glad that mr tyson and camp are a thing of your past amen!!! p.s grace led you in the right place and keep the faith.



5. This an excellent book. I have a totally different view of Robin Givens. She truly loved Mike Tyson and was emotionally as well as physically battered in this relationship. Many women are in relationships with men who, because of their own pain cannot properly love a woman. This book shows that you can truimph over the heartache and live again.

5 comments about Mixed: My Life in Black and White.

1. This book is absolutely, laugh out loud hillarious. Angela Nisell made fun of a often difficult and uncomfortable situation and turned it into an enjoyable memoir. Coming from a multiracial backroung myself, I was able to understand Angela's view points. She was realistic and funny without ever missing a beat. Angela is a wonderful writer who I am glad, shared her experiences growing up biracial and all the interesting things she endured being the product of black mother and white father. You won't stop laughing. The author takes us on a ride and allows us to explore what it like to live on both sides. Worth buying and reading more than once.



2. I loved this book. It was absolutely hilarious! I was cracking up out loud ... on the subway that was particularly embarrassing. Ms. Nissel definitely has a gift. She is able to find the humor in even the most serious of subject matters.



3. Angela Nissel paints a portrait of her life, as she saw it, as a biracial child and young adult with humor, while simultaneously highlighting some tragic events of that life. MIXED: My Life In Black and White is Nissel's journey to the understanding her life.
   
   She opens her memoir with, "Mom, how did you and Dad meet?" This is important to the author because her mother was a former Black Panther in Philadelphia and her father, was a white man originally from northern Pennsylvania. Questioning her existence and always trying to fit into the current situation, Nissel constantly found herself an outsider, whether it was in her numerous neighborhoods, public and private schools or with her father's family Her tenure at the University of Pennsylvania was also marred with feelings of not belonging. As these events unfolded Nissel found herself battling depression. The chapter "Crazy Spa Interlude" provided a comical eye opener into the Mental Health system as Nissel counts down her 72-hour hold with compelling storytelling.
   
   The characters portrayed and the moments revealed are entertaining and filled with clipped dialogue. While the piece begins in this fashion, it quickly spirals into a depressed mode. Wanting to belong and having many questions as to her existence, Angela's mother tried to help her understand that she had worth, however outside forces intervened. MIXED: My Life In Black and White is a very revealing look into one woman's existence growing up biracial in America. It is a captivating read from beginning to end because she writes with unabashed wit and disheartening realism.
   
   Reviewed by Dawn R. Reeves
   of The RAWSISTAZ Reviewers



4. This author is extremely insightful while remaining hillariously witty through the entire book. For me- this was a page turner. Im also bi-racial and related to many of her anecdotes, challenges, and fears. I learned a lot about myself through reading this one.



5. I am so glad Ms. Nissel wrote this book. Being mixed Black and White myself, I have had similar experiences. So many people fought and cried against our very existence. Shoot, a hundred years of Jim Crow laws went into preventing it.But here we are - mixed and proud - maybe a little difficult to understand - but we're workin' on it. Not all mixed people are alike, but one by one - as we tell our stories, we are beginning to come into ourselves as members of our own group.
   
   Angela does a great job of representing both herself and the rest of us in a responsible, balanced, respectful and humorous way. You will soooo laugh. She has a knack for comedic timing and writing - and boy can she weave a story! Her Broke Diaries book is hilarious as well. Please pick these up when you get a chance. I need to get a couple more copies myself, as all of my family members keep passing them around.

5 comments about The Women of the House: How a Colonial She-Merchant Built a Mansion, a Fortune, and a Dynasty.

1. A fascinating account of several remarkable women who were lost in the mists of historical records, The Women of the House entertains its readers while still providing historical knowledge of the time period. Women were and will forever be crucial aspects of our society, yet they are constantly forgotten in history. This book allows us to look at the colonial lifestyles in a new way, in the perspective of a talented woman.
   
   In 1659, one of the most remarkable women in history arrived at New Amsterdam, determined to establish her presence in the form of a she-merchant. Her name was Margaret Hardenbroeck, and she would be one of the first to defy societal norms and create a dynasty at Philipse Manor Hall. She arrived with a duty to serve as a representative for a trading business conducted by her cousin, a well-off merchant named Wouter Valck. Margaret had grown up in a middle-class family, and possessed particular skills in the art of business transactions. Arriving at Manhattan, she wasted no time and soon established herself as an important figure within the community. Within a couple months of settling, on October 10, 1659, Margaret wedded Pieter Rudolphus de Vries, who was six years older than her father. The couple hurried to the alter due to their coming baby, despite the Dutch Reformed Church's sinful outlook at premarital sex. By the time the hot sickness of 1661 killed Pieter, Margaret had become a young and financially secure woman. She then married Frederick Philipse, who would become her future business partner. Margaret bought three hundred acres of Westchester County in 1670 to create her storehouse, which would later be developed into the magnificent Philipse Manor Hall. After arranging the betrothals of all of her children, Margaret passed on peacefully in 1691, at age 54. Her property holdings spanned from Albany to the Barbados Islands, and she had become arguably the wealthiest woman in the area.
   
   Margaret's death marked the beginnings of a new era for the rest of her family. Through the next two generations, her property and wealth would continue to expand, creating a rich legacy among the future owners of Philipse Manor Hall.
   
   Zimmerman does a good job engaging her audience throughout the book. Although some parts would appear slow and insignificant, the book was overall very well written. One flaw of the book is its lack of historical basis. Because records containing information about these women have been lost or destroyed, it is nearly impossible to find first-hand accounts. Despite its lack of primary documents, the book appears to be complete in its description and rarely seems ambiguous or false.
   
   The Women of the House traces the remarkable journey of Margaret and her successors. It provides excellent insight and creates a new perspective on life in Dutch America.



2. I bought this book for my wife and she would really like to rate it at 4 1/2 stars. Interesting characters in an interesting time, a you learn a great deal about New York and the changing position of women in society.



3. Early America, and indeed most of the world, was a man's world. Women couldn't own property, vote, etc. etc. Margaret Hardenbroeck must have stood out as a wolf among sheep. In 1659 she moved to New Amsterdam (Manhattan) -- young (22), single, a business factor or agent for her family's business, a 'she-merchant' or today what we could call an entrepreneur.
   
   Our limited studies of the women of the time usually show them as individuals but reflected in the light of their husbands. Martha Washington, Abigail Adams were indeed strong women, but we would never have heard of them except for their husbands.
   
   Margaret made her own life, hers was not a reflection of her husband. She made her own way. She was probably not a nice person. In the way we think of Martha Stewart, she was tough. And as a slave trader we need to remember her in the light of her time, not of ours.
   
   Much of the book covers life in New Amsterdam at the time, with only supposition that this was how Margaret lived or what she did. There was limited material available on her personal life, much more on her business activities.
   
   This book opens up a new aspect of life in Dutch America, and of the rights and lives of women in our history.



4. If the walls of the Philipse Manor Hall could talk, what stories would they tell? Zimmerman gives voice to the women who lived in the house, from humble beginnings to New York's high society.
   
   Margaret (1659-1691) would become the richest woman in New York. She attended elementary school in Holland and would use her reading, writing and math skills to become a she merchant. She would own trade vessels, property in Manhattan, New Jersey, Albany and Barbados. Margaret would also have a family and raise five children. (She merchant was a term applied to females who were respected for their skills in commerce.)
   
   Catherine (1652-1730) was an heiress who married Margaret's widowed husband, Frederick. She would build a church and was appointed the guardian of Frederick II, her step-grandson. Frederick II would inherit a large portion of Margaret and Frederick's estate.
   
   Joanna (1700-1765?) married Frederick II. Due to the hard work and the business savvy of Margaret and Catherine, Joanna was able to be a society matron. I loved the description of the dessert buffet, complete with marzipan hedgehogs made by the hostess and her daughters.
   
   Mary (1730-1825), Margaret's great granddaughter, was a beautiful socialite. She had a number of eligible bachelors after her hand in marriage, among them George Washington. Mary and her family lost most of the family fortune during the American Revolution.
   
   The book also deals with the unethical practices of this time period: slavery and piracy. (However, in the 17th and 18th Century, many people did not think these practices were wrong.) Margaret and Frederick added to the family fortune through transporting and trafficking slaves from Africa. Frederick also did business with "the King of Pirates," trading in slaves, tobacco and rum. The Philipse family would continue to own slaves until the very end. They would also have a personal connection to a slave revolt.
   
   Zimmerman makes the colonial period come alive with her storytelling and interesting trivia that ranges from hummingbirds to slave gangs. There are detailed notes for each chapter and sixteen pages of black and white pictures. It is unfortunate that the women in the Philipse family did not leave any journals or letters because it would have been interesting to read their own thoughts.
   
   Armchair Interviews says: Travel back in time to meet the colorful inhabitants of Colonial New York.



5. I really enjoyed reading this book. It gave interesting insights into how colonial New York was developed, mixing the lives of one family with the broader stage of changing governments and cultural values. Great book!

5 comments about Mary Kay: You Can Have It All: Lifetime Wisdom from America's Foremost Woman Entrepreneur.

1. With the right priorities (God, Family, Business) you can have it all. Read how a successful business woman broke out of the accepted mold, built her own business and gives you the tools to build your own. I find it amazing that Mary Kay put forth this model over 45 years ago and some corporations are still looking for it. The advice and wisdom in this book will help you reach your goals, whether as an Independent Beauty Consultant or just starting your own business.



2. This book is all about how great Mary Kay thinks Mary Kay is. Though I was interested in learning more about the company (I even was a Mary Kay consultant for a little while), the self-proclamation factor proved too frustrating. I could not even finish the book!



3. What a great book, a great lady, who had a great business philosophy. A must read for anyone who wants to do their own thing.



4. I AM A MARY KAY CONSULTANT.I WAS A DEVOTED CUSTOMER FIRST.ONCE I WAS ON HER CUTTING EDGE COSMETICS, I DECIDED TO OFFER THE OPPORTUNITY TO MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY MEMBERS. THIS BOOK GIVES YOU ALL OF THE TOOLS YOU NEED TO MAKE IT IN ANY BUSINESS. SHE GIVES YOU INSPIRATION AND MINDSET YOU NEED TO MAKE ALL OF YOUR DREAMS A REALITY. IF YOU BELIEVE IT, YOU CAN ACHIEVE IT. I AM DOING THAT RIGHT NOW.REDUCING MY DEBT, INCREASING MY SELF ESTEEM AND SELF WORTH.DEFINATELY A MUST READ



5. Mary Kay Ash is truly an inspiration to all women. Not only does she succeed she lets you know that there will be obstacles to overcome, but you can and will succeed if you keep your priorities in order GOD,Family, and career and work hard. Nothing comes in life easy and through perservence and a dream and goal setting there is nothing you can't do. I LOVED IT!!!

4 comments about A New Orleans Voudou Priestess: The Legend and Reality of Marie Laveau.

1. Carolyn Long's latest work, like her earlier Spiritual Merchants, is an fascinating piece of historical detective work. Sifting through the legends that surround Marie Laveau--and briefly Voodoo in general--she has produced a readable, highly-accurate biography. Those who are hoping to find titillating accounts of midnight Voodoo orgies within its pages will be disappointed. Instead, what readers will discover are the facts behind a woman who has been alternately vilified and lionized by the American public. Voudou Priestess demystifies Laveau and gives future scholars as well as general readers a firm foundation upon which to base their understandings of Voudou and its ministers.



2. I appreciate the fact that there is a lot of legend and reality to sort through when trying to write an academic book about Marie Laveau. Unfortunately, once Long was done sorting through the legend and the reality, there doesn't appear to have been a lot to work with in terms of unraveling the legend/myth of Marie Laveau. The book is largely speculation on who Marie Laveau may have been, what she may have done, and questions if she really did it or not.
   
   During the course of the book, while attempting to construct a coherent picture of the reality of Marie Laveau, Long interjects elements of prior works on Marie Laveau that make certain claims, such as Zora Neale Hurston's work on "hoodoo" and Jewell Rhodes' "Voodoo Dreams" in order to debunk the mythology that they promote. This is admirable and necessary in the work of a true historian, but unfortunately they're awkwardly placed and without prior knowledge of the content of either of these books, it is difficult for the reader to appreciate Long's argument.
   
   Further to the literary criticism, the book spends an inordinate amount of time focusing on the social dynamic of 19th century New Orleans which is very interesting and necessary to a discussion of Marie Laveau and the voodoo culture, but not necessarily to the extent that it was utilized in this work.
   
   The book was interesting for the nuggets of information on Marie Laveau that do emerge from Long's work, but it doesn't represent any substantial scholarship. Sometimes there just isn't enough information to write a coherent, cohesive work on a subject. In that case, it's best to reduce it to an article or a monograph as opposed to padding the work to such an extent that the actual claimed subject of the work takes up a minimal part of the whole body of work.



3. Carolyn Morrow Long's portrait of the elusive but everpresent Marie Laveau is an awesome feat of detective work, a painstaking investigation of all the available church, court, government, and anecdotal records. In conveying her very thorough research in a clear, orderly, and graceful style, Long has produced as comprehensive a picture of this fabled woman as we are likely to get. Her account is definitive, and is likely to remain so for years to come.
   
   --Stanford Pritchard, Middlebury, VT



4. The research and details in this book are incredible. Dates, names, addresses - this book is a must-read for anyone interested in the life of Marie Laveau, or just New Orleans history. I'm taking the book on my next trip to the Crescent city to visit some of the places Long mentions in her book. Very well documented and extremely readable.

5 comments about Mary Magdalen: Myth and Metaphor.

1. It was Pope Gregory who began the notion that Mary Magdalene was a fallen woman and the story stuck even after Vatican 2 in 1969. This is a pre-Da Vinci code take on the historical Mary Magdalene. There have been many edits to the Bible, to church history, to the lives of key figures from the earliest origins of Christianity ... and in sorting out fact from fiction ... one must seek to understand the context of teachings first before just blindly believing anything presented to them. Mary Magdalene became an icon of the fallen dangerous women and was used to subjugate women in many levels of church politics. Her history is one of the most controversial topics in the church .... and well worth exploring to understand the intention behind her image.



2. Ignore my rating as I have only just begun reading this book but I did not want to alter the overall rating given to date. I have posted this 'review' simply to let it be known on Amazon that the book is back in print and is now published by PIMLICO with the ISBN 1-8459-5004-6.



3. It's a silly shame that this wonderful book is out-of-print when the Code Mania would sell it like hotcakes. It is, without a competitor, the best all-around book on Mary Magdalene. Buy Karen L. King's translation of the Gospel of Mary if you want an intense but engaging lesson in theology, Jane Schaberg's *The Resurrection of Mary Magdalene* if you want a solid feminist critique, or Margaret Starbird's *The Woman with the Alabaster Jar* if you are looking for New Age speculation, but it's Haskins who pulls it all together.
   
   Tracing the idea of Mary Magdalene from the Biblical (and "heretical") sources to present-day manifestations in film and novel, she provides a survey of the changing role of women and sexuality in Occidental culture, generously illustrated with depictions of the Magdalene. She shows how the "shamed prostitute" myth got its start, examines the claims of connection between Mary and France, and provides a very funny account of the Church supported habit of "relic snatching" that accounts for Mary's "relics" moving here and there from this monastery to that church.
   
   All in all, it is a heavy but interesting read, with no polemic axe to grind. Start here.



4. This is THE MOST AMAZING book on Mary Magdalen. Susan Haskins goes through the image/personna of the magdalen from the Biblical roots to our pop-culture. The primary references are excellent, it is well put together, it is PERFECT!



5. Haskins does an excellent job in bringing us virtually every relevant piece of useful information about Mary Magdalene. It's all discussed here -- Mary Magdalene in Scripture, non-canonical Christian literature, artwork, history, myths, and legends. An important work about an important historical and spiritual figure.

5 comments about Twice Born: Memoirs of an Adopted Daughter.

1. In this wonderful volume, BJ Lifton conquers the ghost territory known only to members of the adoption triad--adopted children, birth parents and adoptive parents.
   
   That is to say, each member of the triad traverses the adoption journey haunted, as it were, by spirits of "would have's" "could have's" and "should have's"---those beings they imagine they could have had, or been--- if only their birth parents had raised them, if only they had not forsaken their birth children, if only they could have born biological children themselves.
   
   At the time this book was first published, in 1973, this topic was still quite taboo. Adoptive children were supposed to be grateful for the new lives they had been given and never to look back, just as birth parents were supposed to give their children to those better suited to raise them than they, and as adoptive parents were to raise their new children and never reflect on the ones they might have had, if only....
   
   But for all three members of the triad, and especially for the children, the ghost beings---who they might have been, and who their birth parents might have been---are powerful psychological forces with which, even today, the educational, medical and psychological communities are all too unfamiliar.
   
   People assume that adoptive children (barring illnesses of any kind) will develop in the same ways as all other children, but as BJ Lifton shows us from her own upbringing, this is far from true. Such children carry other beings with them, secret selves, and secret birth parents, who live in their imaginations, and whom they need to discover and meet in order to develop a complete sense of self.
   
   Herein, Lifton offers readers the very daring, candid observations she made concerning her own journey through self-discovery, the process of determining what it means to be adopted, and what it means to each and every adopted child to discover the biological roots from which they hail.
   
   This book is superbly written, and should be required reading not only for adoptive parents, but for all members of the educational, psychological, social services and medical communities who ever come in contact with adopted children. Reading it was truly enlightening.
   
   --Alyssa A. Lappen



2. The author's written several books on the psychology of the adopted, but here provides her own autobiographical experience, telling of a life where adoptees were still kept in the dark about their identification. As an adult she not only identified with orphans left behind by American soldiers in Japan and Vietnam; she embarked on her own journey to discover the forbidden knowledge of her own adoptive parents and her roots. TWICE BORN: MEMORIES OF AN ADOPTED DAUGHTER traces her journey and feelings.
   
   Diane C. Donovan
   California Bookwatch



3. This is a truly moving book with poignant descriptions of Lifton's suffering as a child. She was adopted at age 2-1/2, told of her adoption at age 7 and warned by her harsh and controlling adoptive mother never to tell anyone, especially her father, that she knew the secret. Lifton grew up with the poisonous idea that an adopted child is the product of an "evil deed that hangs over most adoptions." The little girl was told that her natural parents were dead, which was a lie. It is easy to see how the adult author of Twice Born came to the view that a person is "fragmented" as long as she lacks a link with biological kin, that an adoptee is forced out of the natural flow of generational continuity, as others know it, and feels as if having been forced out of nature itself. Seen in these terms, adoptees become impotent creatures who have been denied free will. I am very moved by the story but want to say that this is the voice of one adoptee whose experience we should take careful note of but at the same time refrain from universalizing. Not all adoptees are raised by such harsh and emotionally vacant parents and also never had adopted friends with whom to discuss things. I am an adoptive mother of a daughter whom we adopted at age 4 days and who grew up into a contented, strong-willed and self-reliant young lady. Of course, we told her of her adoption, but she was not interested in searching for her natural parents. Unlike Lifton who as a toddler had experienced separation, loss, grief, mourning...going from mother to Infant's Home to Foster Home to Adoptive Home, our daughter and the other adoptees in our neighborhood were spared such miseries. Luckily, our birthmother looked for us and today we have a wonderful relationship with her and her family. Our daughter, however, does not feel she changed since meeting her birthmother, or that she became "whole" as if she had been fragmented before. Several of her neighborhood adoptee friends are also not interested in searching and consider themselves well-adjusted adults and parents. I wonder whether Lifton would have become a happy adoptee if she had been raised by loving and honest adoptive parents. Unhappily, when she found her natural mother and the link with biological kin was made, she discovered that now she "had two mothers instead of one, but since both had disappointed me, I had none." Yes, the bitter search for one's roots may take one to an empty place. It seems that the impulse of the adoptee to find the original mother, an urge traceable through the ages, exists as a force independent of the desired object, and continues even when the object has been found. Gisela Gasper Fitzgerald, author of ADOPTION: An Open, Semi-Open or Closed Practice?



4. Twice Born is a wonderful and thought-provoking account of one adoptee's journey. I related on so many levels that it prompted me to write my own story.

   Happiness is truly found in healing.

   Kasey Hamner, Author of "Whose Child?:An Adoptee's Healing Journey from Relinquishment through Reunion and Beyond"




5. One thing's for sure: BJ Lifton can write. And she understands adoption intimately. This book really tells it like it is, from relinquishment to long after the reunion. As a birthmother, I found "Twice Born" an extremely valuable look into the mind of the adopted person.

5 comments about The Mother Knot: A Memoir.

1. I read Kathryn's book The Kiss, and found it interesting and honest; well, I'm assuming it was honest. I thought this book was written more out of a need of therapy for the author than for any interest for the reader. I have not finished it, which is unlike me because I'll finish a book (and this one is around 100 pages or less I think) because I think "it's gotta get better." I came from an abusive childhood as well, but hey, who hasn't. I just don't know the big words and lack the talent to put my phrases poeticially and make a mint out of it. Save your pennies on this one.` Buy something by Augusten Burroughs and you'll at least get a laugh with your tears and therapy.



2. I had such a hard time finishing this very short memoir. It was very short but packed with lots of reflections. I had read "The Kiss" a memoir also written by Kathryn Harrison and thought it was powerful so I thought this one would be equally as good--or better but no. I wouldn't recommend this book to anyone. My mind kept wandering to other books I have--that I would much rather be reading. :(



3. Kathryn Harrison is the author of another memoir, The Kiss; a travel memoir, The Road to Santiago; a collection of essays, Seeking Rapture; and several novels including The Seal Wife, The Binding Chair, Exposure, and Thicker Than Water. In The Mother Knot, Harrison's memoir reflects on the mother-daughter relationship that consumed her life.
   
   In her acknowledgements (which she chose to place at the end of the book rather than the beginning), Harrison writes, "Though my mother didn't prepare me for marriage or motherhood or the job of living, she did give me a muse. My love for her preceded and has outlasted the rage. Because her purpose was to elude she continues to fascinate. She provides what a writer requires, an eternally empty vessel into which endless characters and plots, and all the longing they represent, can be poured."
   
   Not unlike myself, or many women I know, Harrison's relationship with her mother consists of a series of incongruous emotions--love and hate, pride and despair, admiration and shame, but most of all misunderstanding. From these emotions, Harrison shares with her reader the struggle to finally set herself free from a painful past so that she can move into the present and future.
   
   Struggling with anorexia and depression, Harrison relates a childhood spent in search of her mother's approval and love... a quest that seemed to be in vain. At the age of forty-one, Harrison finally is able to come to terms with the hold her long dead mother continues to have on her. She takes positive steps to regain her life and to find a way to live peacefully with the memories of her mother.
   
   This poignant memoir is a must read for anyone who struggles with mother-daughter relationship issues of their own. To see the tenacious grasp Harrison's mother managed to hold on her even after her death and to see the depths to which Harrison had to sink before she could move forward is to witness a transformation. To understand the struggle is to begin to work through one's own demons.
   
   by Lee Ambrose
   for Story Circle Book Reviews
   reviewing books by, for, and about women



4. Kathryn Harrison achieves quite a bit in "The Mother Knot" -- tying together breast feeding, maternal guilt, anorexia, and grief over a parent's negligence. I was drawn in from the first line and finished the book without getting up once (it's only 82 pages.) I hadn't read Harrison before but certainly will again. Her style is poetic and spare. She's brutally honest too... she has led a difficult life and spares no one, including herself. I look forward to her other books.



5. For reasons I cannot understand, I seem to be among the minority who viewed Kathryn Harrison's "The Kiss" as a restrained and remarkable memoir. I was not side-tracked by what many apparently perceived as sensationalist writing...on the contrary, I found Harrison's account of her experiences to be a lean, intelligent, and heartfelt account of an unspeakably difficult passage...furthermore, I can say honestly that among the more compelling aspects of this piece to be her recollections of her relationship with her mother; I have been haunted ever since by those images. As such, I jumped at the opportunity to read "The Mother Knot." I must admit, when the book arrived, I was disappointed to note it's slender profile; little did I know that I would spend the night that followed in lonely sorrow, sobbing, as I processed my own relationship with my mother, who finally passed away this past September...let NO ONE DEPRIVE THIS AUTHOR HER VOICE.

5 comments about We're Just Like You, Only Prettier: Confessions of a Tarnished Southern Belle.

1. Rarely have I enjoyed a contemporary novel as much as I enjoyed this one. I lived briefly in the South, and can totally relate to everything.
   Fun read! Made me forget about my flight being delayed.



2. Hands down this book is the funniest book I've ever read in my 68 years. You might need to be from the south to understand the humor, but it is priceless. I have sent six books to friends, and they love it as well. I truly laughed out loud.



3. Classic Celia Rivenbark! She is intelligent, irreverent, and very funny - the kind of writer who makes you thankful you know how to read! As for this book, if you don't see somebody you know in these pages, you're not from the South.



4. When I bought this book, I was looking for quality anecdotes with humor sprinkled throughout. However, while some content was mildly amusing, it all seemed a little forced. She is trying too hard to be funny and it does not come off as genuine. It is not what I had hoped for.



5. This is the perfect light hearted, easy read. Really a collection of essays, it's perfect for those of us too busy to sit down for any length of time. I bought it at the local bookstore to cheer me out of a bad mood...and it worked! I definately plan on passing it on to my Southern friends and purchasing the author's other books.